It seems like everyone and their grandmother talks about beer like they’re an expert — just because they drink it.

But most true beer experts are shocked by the stupidity of comments they overhear. Some chime in to correct you, and others just text their girlfriend about it.

Don’t let that be you. Here’s a guide to talk about beer.

Bookmark this and read this before bed until you’ve locked this down.

How Beer is Made

The hard and fast: Malt + yeast + hops = beer.

  • Malt contains sugars.
  • Yeast eat sugars and fart out alcohol.
  • Hops add bitterness, and additional flavors (depending on hop variety), and keep the product from going bad.

You’ve probably heard the story of India Pale Ale. Beers hopped to the heavens (for the time) to last the journey from England to India.

It can get a lot more complicated, but start here.

There Are Only Two Types of Beer

From the high-level, there are only two primary beer “types” defined by the yeast in primary fermentation: Ale and Lager.

In the beginning, however, there was only one: Ale Yeast.

Beer’s history stretches thousands of years. Back then, they thought it was magic that a bucket of malt water turned into a fermented elixir. What was really happening was spontaneous yeast drifted through the air and grappled onto that bucket of water to consume the sugars.

Over time, they began to understand that like fresh produce, yes, beer could go bad. To combat this they began storing their beer in cold caverns, cellars, and caves.

Then Came Lager Yeast

Like any resilient micro-organism, the ale yeast in cold conditions adapted and formed a new, complete strain: Lager yeast.

Ale vs Yeast

Ale

  • Is top fermenting (in the tank of beer)
  • Can ferment at warmer temperatures
  • Turns around faster
  • Produces fruit-like flavors during fermentation, which is why they’re obviously perfect for Pale Ales

Lager 

  • Is bottom fermenting
  • Has to ferment at lower temperatures
  • Takes more time to work
  • Produces cleaner flavor notes, which is why lagers are “clean”

Not All Beers are Clearly Identified

Based on historic origins, sometimes the labeled beer style can be a little misleading.

Here are some curve balls and ones to keep in mind:

  • Baltic Porter: Lager
  • Malt liquor: technically Lager
  • Anything with the word “Bock:” Lager
  • Kölsch: Ale
  • Hefeweizen: Ale
  • Saison: Ale
  • Porter (not Baltic Porter): Ale
  • Stout: Ale
  • Gose: Ale

See a longer style reference guide at the bottom.

How to Talk About the Beer

Packaging

Believe it or not, the best package to get beer in is: cans.

Bottles can be fine under certain circumstances, but generally they let in more air (bad) and can get light struck.

Those famous light green bottles let in a lot of UV light which makes the beer “taste skunky.”

Dark bottles are better, but still can be susceptible to skunkyness from light pollution – especially if stored exposed on fluorescent light stores.

Storage

Unless you’re cellar aging a beer, beer should be kept cold in a dark place.

That means don’t keep it in the trunk of your classic Camaro for a few months in the Carolina sun.

Appearance

Don’t be the dweeb who calls everything “amber” colored.

In beer, color is defined by a term called Standard Reference Method (SRM).

What dictates color? In most cases, the actual color of the malt used in brewing.

When there are other additives — like fruit — it will change the color and augment it beyond the standards below.

  • SRM 2 — Pale Straw

  • SRM 3 — Straw

  • SRM 4 — Pale Gold

  • SRM 6 — Deep Gold

  • SRM 8 — Light Amber

  • SRM 10 — Amber

  • SRM 13 — Deep Amber

  • SRM 16 — Copper

  • SRM 20 — Light Brown

  • SRM 24 — Brown

  • SRM 30 — Dark Brown

  • SRM 35 — Very Dark Brown

  • SRM 40 — Black

Flavor

“Beer” flavored only works for describing light lagers.

The human palate is complex and different for everyone based on unique lived experiences. Sometimes you’re a natural, and sometimes it just takes drinking beer with vocabulary in mind to make the connections.

For me personally, it was a labor of fun love to pick beers. Drink them. And really ponder what I was getting.

  • Don’t say “Tastes like beer” → Say “Clean malt backbone with light hop bitterness”
  • Don’t say “Strong” → Say “High-ABV with warming alcohol character”
  • Don’t say “Bitter” → Say “Assertive hop bitterness with notes of pine and resin”
  • Don’t say “Sweet” → Say “Malty sweetness with hints of caramel and toffee”
  • Don’t say “Fruity” → Say “Tropical esters of mango and passionfruit”
  • Don’t say “Citrusy” → Say “Bright grapefruit zest and orange peel from late-hop additions”
  • Don’t say “Spicy” → Say “Peppery phenolics from Belgian yeast”
  • Don’t say “Smoky” → Say “Delicate beechwood smoke with bacon undertones”
  • Don’t say “Flat” → Say “Low carbonation, soft mouthfeel”
  • Don’t say “Watery” → Say “Light body with crisp, clean finish”
  • Don’t say “Weird aftertaste” → Say “Lingering phenolic note reminiscent of clove or bubblegum”
  • Don’t say “Chocolatey” → Say “Dark malt character with cocoa and roasted coffee notes”
  • Don’t say “Bready” → Say “Freshly baked bread crust and biscuit malt aroma”
  • Don’t say “Sour” → Say “Tart acidity with lemon and green apple brightness”
  • Don’t say “Funky” → Say “Barnyard Brett character with earthy complexity”
  • Don’t say “Burnt” → Say “Roasted barley bitterness with espresso intensity”
  • Don’t say “Tastes like juice” → Say “Hazy New England IPA bursting with tropical fruit aromatics”
  • Don’t say “Heavy” → Say “Full-bodied with chewy malt texture”
  • Don’t say “Light” → Say “Sessionable with a crisp, dry finish”
  • Don’t say “Good” → Say “Balanced profile with pleasant hop-to-malt ratio”

Off Flavors

This can get complicated, so let’s keep it simple.

Here are flavors that you don’t want:

  • Buttered popcorn → bad. Means the yeast was stressed.
  • Green apple (unless it’s literally in the beer) → bad. Means the yeast was stressed.
  • Skunk → bad. As discussed caused by green bottles and light.
  • Printer paper → bad. Means the beer is oxidized from poor temperature control, age, or both.
  • Bandaid → very bad. Means the beer is infected, stop drinking and throw it away.

Longer Style Reference Guide

This by no means covers everything, but it’s a good start.

Lagers

  • Pilsner
  • Pils
  • Baltic Porter
  • Rauchbier
  • Malt Liquor
  • Helles
  • Dunkel
  • Bock
  • Doppelbock
  • Eisbock
  • Schwarzbier
  • Maibock
  • Märzen
  • Zwickelbier (Kellerbier)

Ales

  • Altbier
  • Any sour (unless specifically noted as lager fermentation)
  • Lambic
  • Berliner Weisse
  • Barleywine
  • California Common / Steam Beer
  • Cream Ale
  • ESB / English Bitter
  • Grisette
  • Gose
  • Hefeweizen
  • IPA / DIPA /TIPA
  • Irish Red Ale
  • Kölsch
  • Mild Ale
  • Old Ale
  • Porter
  • Roggenbier
  • Saison / Farmhouse
  • Scottish Ale / Wee Heavy
  • Stout
  • TIPA
  • Belgian Strong: Tripel / Dubbel / Quad
  • Witbier (Belgian Wheat)

That’s a lot to start with. Be sure to follow along for the next post in our series where we’ll go even deeper.

And as always, enjoy responsibly.